War
by ImperfectSnow
Summary: Sakura X Kakashi. This was war, and it was messy. In trying times, it's good to have the firm hand of a mentor to guide you. M for language


In the Mist of War

Blood soiled the forest floor, bodies fell out of the air and landed with heavy thumps, weapons were dodged and death rattles would've been heard if the air wasn't filled with the sound of screaming and ripping bodies.

This was war, and it was messy.

Sakura dodged a flying kunai, a few shuriken and some shadow clones that thought they might have a chance against a Konoha ANBU-level elite. It was all a joke. Some people said that war was organised, but she had never seen anything more dis-organised in her life. People were dying all over the place, comrades, enemies and, in some places, civilians. At the moment Sakura and her division were based in the 'no-man's land' between Fire Country and Earth Country, right in the thick of it all. Mist was attempting to take over the unclaimed land, while Fire attempted to stop them. The meaningless fight for power was starting to show its presence on all the people fighting. It was clear that Fire was winning, with Shikamaru on war-tactics and Naruto as Hokage, there weren't many things that Fire hadn't ripped through in Mist's defences.

Some have said that it was a brutal exertion of power, but Mist was corrupt, every criminal who wanted to be something went there, hoping for a lucky break, a shot at the big leagues. This was almost considered... spring cleaning. So far, this part of the border had been purged of all Mist fighters, they were about to move onto the town, the center of the hidden village of Rock, where Mist had planted their Headquarters and thwarted the Rock's forces.

The race into the Main Town was quick, two hours at full speed. Every ninja in her division were drunk on adrenaline, they felt powerful, invincible and no one who got in their way ever got out alive. Half the town was already burning, criminals being punished in the streets, woman being taken out of their homes. Sakura shut off her mind, she was there to win, to purify that which was dirty. She raced along the burning rooftops to the very center of the town, the headquaters of the Mist warriors, the place where those in charge were found and killed. Fires ate through houses, businesses and food stalls.

Sakura stood in the middle of the town, the very center of the world. She could hear everything happening around her, smell everything around her and as she closed her eyes she could sense every chakra signature in the entire town. It was a beautiful feeling, she felt absolutely brilliant, nothing was going to stop her, she would annihilate this lawless place, make it clean, make it perfe-

Something ran across Sakura's senses, something unusual, something she didn't recognize. Opening her vibrant, power-hungry eyes, Sakura saw a child, a little boy, standing in front of her, kunai drawn. A murderous glare etched into his boyish face, with slight flickers of fear; unbearable fear. Sakura smiled at him, not wanting to scare him, "Hello, little boy. You shouldn't be holding such a dangerous weapon, you might hurt yourself" she opened her hands, palm up and walked towards him cautiously. The buildings burned around him, screams could be heard over the crackling and popping of the fires that were annihilating and purifying.

"Stay back! Don't come near me, I'm going to k-kill you!" the boy had tear tracks cutting into the dirt stains on his cheeks. Sakura was shocked, this boy was tiny, only about six years old.

"Why would you want to do that?" the boy lowered his stance, and held the kunai in his hands tighter, not wanting to falter as he murdered this enemy soldier.

"You've taken my home from me and my father says that the Fire bastards must die. I'm going to make him proud, so you have to die now, ok?" the boy lunged, faster than Sakura would have thought, and she almost missed it. Things slowed down drastically in Sakura's trained mind, she saw the trajectory of the boy's attack and managed to flip the kunai, the cutomary response to any straght-forward attack with a deadly weapon.

If the screaming, crackling and popping were to stop, the sound of a kunai puncturing a lung, through small underdeveloped ribs could have been heard. However, considering the sounds did not stop, the only noise heard was the small gasp of a child as he was unintentionally murdered by a ninja that reacted upon instinct.

A few minutes passed as a vacuum of shock absorbed Sakura. She had murdered a child. She could feel his heart slowing, the blood gushing down his body and staining the ground. She wanted to scream, but her body wouldn't move, her mind would not tell her what to do. Her impulse was to drop the child and run; run until she couldn't remember why she was running.

Sakura would have waited there, holding the child in her arms, watching the blood run down both their bodies, until either her mind or her body kicked in and helped her decide what to do next, but an explosion near by caused the already fragile buildings to collapse into the center. She jumped with the boy and ran across the crumbling buildings until she reached the end of the town, the beginning of a forest.

She lay the boy down on the forest floor and looked at him. He had light brown hair and a small frame, wirey arms and wirey legs, nothing remarkable about him. She could remember from his hateful stares that he had incredibly blue eyes. One amazing thing on a boy so ordinary, runt-like even. And she'd taken that away from him, she'd taken his life away from him, just because of her killer instincts. She loved children, back at home there were many children in her neighbourhood and she loved to watch them play, pretending they were ninjas. She wanted to be a mother one day, but in this lifestyle it was merely a dream, never tangible, because she was too busy. And now she'd murdered one, a mother's world would be shattered soon, because a demon had killed her little boy...

Sakura sat against a tree with her head in her hands, rubbing the blood and sweat from her eyes. She willed herself not to cry, for once she started she would never stop. Remembering all the fights she'd had because of this war in the past few months she could recall, if she played it back really slowly and accurately, that there were many children involved. At the time of the fights it had all been a blur, all the people melted into one common enemy, someone that needed to be crushed under her sword.

She saw with a horrified mind's eye that she had killed countless children, unintentionally.

In her heightened state of adrenaline she saw every fight in precise detail, every child, of every size, shape and distinction.

Tears left her stunned eyes and soaked into the mossy forest floor. Children had died by her katana, and she hadn't even noticed. She was a demon, a monster.

Sakura screamed, and birds flew out into the air as they struggled to retreat from the sound. She screamed and cried, and soon her mind melted into one insane blur of murder.

"I AM A MURDERER!"

XXX

It was a relatively quiet day in Konoha, the people were re-building their homes, children were running around, trying to help and the shinobi with the ability to manipulate the Earth element rebuilt important buildings. The shinobi that weren't helping the process were supposed to be on missions, bringing in money for the village.

Sakura lay under her blankets and tried to ignore the sun as it pierced her eyes. She groaned and climbed out of the bed, taking half the blankets with her. She was a mess, her hair was tangled and dirty, her skin was red and blotchy and there was a heavy smell of alcohol on her breath.

The pink haired mess slouched into her kitchen and turned the coffee maker on. She needed caffeine to wake up, she was feeling the worst part of a hangover. Before she could process another slow thought, her stomach belched and she ran to the bathroom, effectively emptying the contents of her stomach.

After washing her mouth out, Sakura slumped back into the kitchen and filled a mug with hot black coffee, then she sat at her kitchen table and drank it.

Another nightmare, it's always the same.

It was no secret to Sakura's friends that she had become a drunk, and a slob. Her apartment held the resemblance of a pig-sty and her clothes were always ratty and crumpled. Other than her surroundings, her skin had become sallow and dry. She looked like a drug addict half the time, because her eyes were always watering.

It had been hard on her friends, they all tried to help her after the war, but none of them could handle it. She became destructive and had already broken most of the friendships that she had grown up with. Her and Ino weren't talking anymore, after some nasty words on her part and some screaming on Ino's part. The other friends just drifted off, and she didn't mind, because she wouldn't want to be friends with herself if she were them. Naruto was Hokage now, and so he was always busy, she hadn't even seen him properly in a while, it was a good thing because he'd probably be horrified by her appearance.

Kakashi had been away on a very heavy mission for a few months, in fact he'd been on this mission since one month after the war ended, at which point Sakura still resembled a human-being - so he had not seen her in her messy state. He was coming back soon though, and then she would get it - the Wrath of the Copy Ninja.

Sakura could feel the coffee seeping into her body and fighting off the hangover. She didn't feel so sick anymore, and she figured that she should probably go to work.

Sakura got dressed into her med-nin clothes and left her apartment. The days were hot now, Summer was in full bloom. Everyone was busy, but the air was calm, people just plodded along and did what they had to. There was no screaming or unnecessary disturbances, it was nice. But Sakura didn't like it, she wanted something that would shock her system, she wanted noise and fires and explosions and screaming and crackling. But she wasn't going to get that here, and it killed her because all this peace was giving her time to think, and she didn't want to do that.

Thinking made her relive the moments, the moments that ate at her very soul. Sakura could have talked to someone about her problems, but her fear of being judged stopped her in her tracks. She already felt as though everyone was looking at her and seeing everything she'd done. As if a massive cloud was above her head, a cloud that told people that she was a murderer and that she had massacred whole towns because of her need for power and purity. She was a child killer, a horrendous excuse for life.

In her quest for purity, Sakura had become the most impure thing in her life.

_Don't look at the children, don't make eye-contact with anyone, don't smile at anyone, don't lift your hand to anyone, just keep your head down and be monotonous; it's for their protection._

Sakura entered the hospital, completed all her work, patched up all the wounded shinobi and filled in all the paperwork. Then she signed out and headed home. _What a pointless day..._

The town was dead now, there weren't many people out, it was becoming dark, the sky had an orange tinge and the shops were closing for the night. Sakura walked down a street with few lamps and no people, there was a training ground to her left and a few benches to her right. This felt better, there weren't any people that would look at her and criticize her. No people she felt scared of. Scared she might kill them if she wasn't careful. She felt alone; very alone. It was so much better this way.

_I don't belong in this village anymore. It doesn't feel right, there's nothing here for me-_

Sakura couldn't finish her thought because she found herself standing flush against a green jounin vest. Looking up, she found a shock of silver hair and a deep onyx eye filled with concern. How had she not noticed him? Before she could ponder her blind spot, Kakashi put his arms around her, enveloped her in warmth. She gasped and her eyes widened, it had been so long since anyone had touched her affectionately. It felt so warm and strange. She could feel tears threatening her eyes and tried to blink them away. Kakashi was going to make her cry, she needed to get away from this.

Sakura struggled in Kakashi's arms, tried to push him off, but he squeezed her tighter to his chest, and his hold was unbreakable. Tears, so many tears, cutting down her sullen cheeks. She was shaking now; shaking uncontrollably. Her hands gripped onto the front of his green vest and she felt her knees buckling. Before she could hit the ground Kakashi had lifted her off the floor, and was walking in the direction of her apartment. Sakura gripped Kakashi's vest and curled into him, feeling like nothing more than a weak little girl.

They entered Sakura's apartment and Kakashi sat on the couch with Sakura in his lap. He stroked her hair soothingly and whispered in her ear quietly. "You're ok Sakura, I've got you, I've always got you." he kissed the top of her head and noted that her body felt very fragile in his arms, almost as though she might break if he held her too tight. Sakura had calmed down a bit, she was no longer shaking or crying, she just sat and held onto Kakashi, feeling like she was floating in confusion. Her head was clouded and foggy.

"I'm going to put you on your bed now Sakura" Kakashi stood up with Sakura and headed towards her bedroom, he placed her on the bed so that she could rest a bit while he made her some food, she looked like she hadn't eaten in days. He slipped her shoes off and left her to sleep.

Sakura lay on her bed and stared at the window for a few minutes, listening to the sound of Kakashi moving around in her kitchen, it sounded good to have someone else in her house. After about fifteen minutes Sakura fell asleep.

_Screaming_

_Crackling_

_Popping_

_It's hot, so hot._

_Blood, too much blood._

_Children EVERYWHERE!_

_Stop, stop it! There are children, stop it!_

_Kunai slice the bloody mist, leaving darted trails of death._

_Children cry, Sakura screams._

_STOP IT!_

_"NO! HELP ME! STOP IT!"_ sweat trickled down Sakura's back and forehead. Her mind was racing, she didn't know where she was, where was the war? Things were quiet for a few seconds while Sakura realized where she was and then Kakashi was standing next to her. Sakura lunged at him, gripping onto him tightly.

He stayed firm and held her "Nightmares, huh?" he said in a tone of understanding, Sakura nodded and nuzzled into him, wanting more than anything to feel safe again.

"I made you some food, will you come eat?" Kakashi pulled away slightly to look into her face, while raising one eyebrow. Sakura nodded again and then croaked

"I'll be there in a minute... bathroom." Kakashi made a noise of acceptance and then let go of her, turned around and walked towards the kitchen again. Sakura checked to make sure that he was in the kitchen and not waiting in the hallway. Verifying that he was in fact in the kitchen, she reached under her bed and waved her hand around, looking for her hidden bottle of sake, she looked under the bed and found nothing but some dust and an old magazine.

"Looking for something?" Kakashi was leaning against the door frame, watching her dig around under her bed.

"Oh, um, yeah... my slippers, I thought they were under my bed..." Sakura said with a slight tone of irritation, she didn't appreciate being checked on, it was her life and she could drink if she wanted to. She made a bit of a show, peeking under the bed for her slippers and then walking over to her cupboard and finding them in there. "Oh, I found them..." Kakashi nodded and walked out of the room again, indicating she should follow. Sakura could tell that he knew about her small problem.

"Who told you?" Sakura asked as she sat down at her kitchen table.

"Naruto." Kakashi looked at her briefly as he poured soup into her bowl and put a cup of tea in front of her. She nodded, acknowledging the response, even though she already knew the answer. "I was reporting in from my mission and he told me that you were in a bit of trouble, when I asked him what kind of trouble he told me everything that was happening with you. I'm pretty sure he's the only one that knows of your drinking habits." Sakura sighed, she didn't really care who knew about what she did, it didn't really matter. No one stopped her, so who cares if they knew or not?

"I suppose it's pointless to tell you to stop. So all I'm going to say is this; tomorrow morning at five, I'm going to be standing in the middle of training field number four, you might want to stop by, say 'hi', maybe even train a little. Ok?" Kakashi turned the stove off, walked around to Sakura and kissed her on the forehead, she closed her eyes as his masked lips connected. "Bye Kid, see you tomorrow." Kakashi left Sakura with a knot in her stomach and a burnt tongue. Damn.

Sakura finished her food and tea, cleaned up a bit and went searching for all her alcohol hiding places, they were all empty, damn that Kakashi, where'd he hide all of them? After half and hour of searching, Sakura gave up and decided to go to bed, if she was going to be awake at half past four, she might as well get some shut eye... if only she actually _slept_ when she went to bed. Maybe a sleeping pill wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Deciding that a sleeping pill was a very good idea, Sakura popped open the bottle and swallowed one, then she set her alarm fo half past four.

XXX

"Good morning, Sunshine" Kakashi greeted Sakura brightly at half past five. "Sorry I'm late, I had to...help someone do something...in this place that you don't know..." Sakura almost choked on how bad Kakashi was at lying. Kakashi smiled slightly at Sakura's knowing glare. Maybe she'd come back to him, the real Sakura. "Today we're going to be sparring, simple enough, right? I know you haven't trained in a while, and you haven't been on a single mission either. So I'll go easy on you...sort of." Kakashi smiled under his mask and Sakura growled slightly.

"Don't you dare go easy on me, I will kill you, old man." she spoke through her teeth, presenting a kunai from her pouch and preparing to launch herself. Kakashi chuckled, the very thought of this fragile little girl even scratching him was amusing, and very unamusing at the same time.

"Hm... I shouldn't have left you alone..." he spoke quietly, but Sakura heard him and faltered in her stance.

"It's not your fault Kakashi, the war just broke me a little bit" she tried to smile warmly but it didn't reach her eyes. Kakashi sighed

"...and now I'm going to have to fix you...". Sakura looked at him, her eyes warming up slightly, she could feel tears springing up and decided to start the spar in order to avoid another meltdown.

"Ok, Sensei, let's start. I want to see if you've gone rusty yet." she tried to put a hint of mockery into her voice, but the effects of his earlier comment were still making her feel warm and emotional. Turning her need to cry into anger, Sakura launched herself across the field at her Sensei. He flickered and she stabbed the air, something pricked the back of her neck and she could feel that Kakashi was standing right behind her, kunai in hand.

"I feel like this is the first day of training as Team 7. Pathetic. If you don't pick it up a bit, I'm going to be forced to take away your liqour". Dammit, being reprimanded at the age of twenty-two by her Sensei. What a pain.

"What liqour?" Sakura asked coldly, her defenses rising again. A small bottle rattled in front of her face, she sighed, he'd even found the stash she carried on her person.

"You know, I was surprised by how many bottles you keep around the house, but to even keep alcohol on your body, it's a bit excessive, don't you think?" Sakura was getting angry, she didn't need to hear this from the porno-addict.

"LEAVE MY HABITS OUT OF THIS!" she turned fast and swiped with her kunai, pulling another one out of the pouch to form a double attack.

Kakashi smiled, he was going to make her see her problem, make her see how ugly it was.

"So, you think it's a habit? Not a problem? Well, I've got news for you, little girl, you're an _alcoholic_, and you look like shit because of it!" Kakashi was getting a little angry, he didn't like what his student had become, and he had to pick up the messy pieces just because she was too drunk to notice that she was breaking everything around her. Sakura landed a hit on his calf and he faultered slightly before hitting her square in the chest, she was sent sailing through the air before hitting the ground in a dusty pile. The konuichi coughed and hacked, her chest was closed and she couldn't breathe properly.

"Wha-what'd you d-do...to..me?" her voice came out in short bursts, Kakashi stood next to her and spoke down at her

"That's what you should have gone through after the war, for days, weeks, months even, but instead you turned into a self-destructive junkie that wouldn't come to terms with what they'd done! It's _war_ Sakura, people _die_! That's what happens for Christ's sake!" his tone shocked Sakura, rarely had she seen Kakashi so angry with her.

He reached out a hand to help her up and she slapped it away, she didn't want the help of someone who was just going to scream at her until her problem went away.

"I don't need your help, and I didn't ask for it." Sakura's voice was venemous.

"If you didn't want help, Sakura, you wouldn't be here." Kakashi looked at her as she stood up and prepared to leave.

"The only reason I came today was because I thought it was an order, from my Team Captain, however, seeing as it's not a requirement, I think I'll leave" she turned to leave but Kakashi's voice stopped her.

"That's not what I meant. You wouldn't be here, means, you'd already be dead, because you would have killed yourself." Kakashi was solemn "There are only two people that are glad that you haven't killed yourself yet, I'm one of them, the other one is Naruto. The rest of the people think you're beyond help; you've become mean, monotonous and reckless. They want to remember the old Sakura, so they don't care if the new Sakura dies." a bird sounded in the distance and cut through the silence left by Kakashi's words. Sakura blinked, it felt like a slap in the face, but only for a second, after that second she resumed her stone cold exterior.

"I don't care what those people want from me, or what they don't want from me. It's my life, I can do with it what I want. Now, if you're finished attacking me, I'm going." Sakura turned to leave yet again, and just like before Kakashi stopped her with his words.

"You can't go to your apartment, you've been evicted. Oh, and all your stuff was sold to pay off your tab at the bar and your clothes are at my place. I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of making sure you were sorted out for a couch to sleep on until you stopped being a destructive bitch." Kakashi smiled widely under his mask, the tell-tale eye-crinkle giving him away.

Sakura was wide eyed with shock, "You can't do that! You can't come in here and stuff up my life in less than a few hours! This is _my_ _life_, Kakashi, who the hell do you think you are?" Sakura was positively screeching at this point, she wanted to punch a hole right through him, but sadly her chakra was constantly depleted because of the alcohol... dammit.

"Who am _I?_ I'm your friend! And if that isn't good enough, then I'm your teammate and your Sensei! And nevermind that, because since I got back I've been trying to figure out who the hell _you_ are!" Kakashi was yelling, he never yelled.

"You know what? I HATE YOU!" Sakura screamed at him and left the training ground. Kakashi sighed and prepared to follow her. She was acting like a twelve year old.

XXX

When Kakashi meandered over to Sakura's ex-apartment, he found her sitting on the front steps, sulking. "Do you want to go home now?" he asked her plainly. Sakura looked up at him, her eyes glistening with tears, she nodded and pushed out her bottom lip, as an attempt to stop the flood.

Kakashi began walking in the direction of his house and stopped after a few feet to let Sakura catch up to him. They walked side by side in a forced silence, there was a lot to be said on both parts, but neither of them seemed to want to start the fight that was inevitable.

Sakura couldn't hold her lip any longer and a sob slipped out, she tried to choke it back in but the damage was already done. Kakashi stopped and turned to her, he looked at her dead on, she decided to turn and look at him too. They stood there, in the middle of an empty morning street, looking at one another, before Kakashi put his left hand softly behind her head and guided her forward, into a gentle embrace. His right hand curled around her back and she melded perfectly to his disciplined shinobi body. Her arms wrapped around him, and she breathed in the scent of earth and sandalwood. That was the way Kakashi always smelled, ever since she could remember, he was always earth and sandalwood, it was a good smell, it made her feel safe.

Sakura sighed into him and Kakashi smiled, if he closed his eyes he could still smell the cherry soap and leather underneath the alcohol. He would never admit it to anyone, but he had a massive soft-spot for Sakura, and his feeling of always wanting to hold and protect her was proof enough.

"Come on, let's go home. This is only the beginning, we've got a rough task ahead of us, you know that, right?" Sakura nodded into his chest and then pulled away from him, his hands falling to her shoulders, they looked deep into each other's eyes and each of them saw their own feelings reflected back; fear, pain, guilt and love.

Sakura lifted her hands to his face and hooked her fingers in the top of the mask, slowly she pulled down and inch by inch Kakashi's face was revealed to her. He had a strong jaw line and a perfect nose and lips. He leaned forward, his left hand finding its way to the back of her neck while his right found its way to the small of her back again, Sakura lifted her mouth to his. The kiss was soft and full of adoration. Her lips weren't as soft as they could have been, but it didn't matter, because Kakashi didn't care. Sakura sighed into the kiss and Kakashi took the opportunity to deepen it.

The sun rose slightly from behind the tall forest trees, giving the village a light glow.

The kiss ended and Kakashi took one of Sakura's hands and they walked home, not too fast, not too slow, but at the perfect pace that required no thought. They talked the whole way, they talked about everything, what he'd done on his mission, what she'd been doing at work, however, the only topic they ignored was the war. There would be time for that later, right now they needed to clear the air and prepare themselves for the influx of emotions and Sakura's rehabilitation from alcohol.

XXX

Ok, whatever. This one also makes Sakura seem like a nutbag... I seem to love doing that to her. It's because it's so much fun... damn.

Well, I hope you enjoyed. ^^


End file.
